Archive for Funny

This Is Real

“A team of six players sits at a study table… Six cards are placed face down on the table, and each player picks one and flips it over. Typically, five of the cards are green and marked ‘Safe’; the sixth, with a yellow skull and crossbones means that its holder must endure a bizarre ‘punishment’ challenge.” – Wikipedia

  • Juiced Foot: The player must drink a glass of grape juice, freshly stomped from a vat of fruit by a woman with very dirty feet.
  • School Scratch: The player dons a set of headphones connected to a microphone, which is positioned to pick up the sound of a rake being dragged across a chalkboard.
  • Bugged Feet: The player puts on a pair of galoshes filled with bugs and must walk in them for 20 seconds.
  • Electric Puzzle: The player must complete a jigsaw puzzle in 30 seconds while electric shocks are administered at random times.
  • Floating Chew: The player lies faceup on the table and must eat a bite from each of six pieces of rotten food suspended above his/her head.
  • Old Soup: The player lies supine on the floor, while a trembling elderly man eats a bowl of hot soup above his/her face. The soup drips, splatters, and pours on the player’s face.
  • Extinguished: The player is given a cupcake with a lit candle stuck in it and must try to blow out the flame. However, it is a trick candle that keeps relighting itself; after several seconds, a firer fighter in full rescue gear runs in and sprays the player with a fire extinguisher.
  • Safety Car: The player sits in a toy car and is pushed by teammates into a wall. Upon impact an airbag filled with white powder explodes in the player’s face.
  • Suspender Strike: The player attaches a pair of suspenders to his/her pants, and a teammate must pull them back as far as possible and let go so that they snap against the player’s body.
  • Chocolate Stretch: The player must eat five dangling chocolates, while wearing an elastic band into his/her forehead.
  • Big Bust: The player must have a balloon under his/her shirt and must have the balloon inflated until it pops.
  • Not Happy Hour: Five of the players are selected for this challenge and must drink a scorpion bowl filled with a revolting concoction of sauces within 30 seconds.
  • Dish Water: The player must drink a glass of water from a tub of soaking, dirty dishes brought in by a busboy
  • Sweet Red Corn: The player has 30 seconds to eat a lipstick covered corn on the cob.
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Famous Last Words

Of a Civil War general. I’m not even joking. It came up in my language arts book.

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dis–“

Before I Start School

I’m going to go start school now. I actually have a reason to¬† because since my mom is a sneaky little (censored word) who can read minds, she’s decided to uphold my journalism textbook until I finish 10th grade math. Which consists of 4 100 page each books. So basically I’ll never get that textbook and I will be the first self taught journalist who gets as famous as Dave Barry. Or I won’t get any job and we’ll all know who to blame. But that’s not what I’m here to write about. I was actually just going to say that I have a few funny pictures you might want to see before you start your day. Or after depending on when you get online

This Is Sad

Uh….Just a joke really. But it’s pretty sad considering it might just have happened somewhere at sometime to someone.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning languages.

After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from most recent “Easy Reading” to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself and muttering, “An ‘R’! The scribes left out the ‘R’.”

A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, asks him what the problem is and what does he mean.

After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, “It’s the letter ‘R’. They left out the ‘R’. The word was supposed to be celebRate!”

Men In Tights

From the movie we watched yesterday. Had to watch it about 2 dozen times. We even re-winded it once it was finished to watch this part again:D

And Again

Pretty much speaks for itself…

Offensive Weapons

Web Reprint : A Leap In Cow Control

This was originally written by Dave Barry, who I someday wish to be able to write like….Yeah. Keep dreaming mel.

Apparently, this article is protected by US copyright laws and blah blah blah so I’m not allowed to “electronically reprint it” which would be considered direct disobedience for which the penalty is, unfortunately, death, which is not something that I am willing to risk for a while yet.

Therefore, I’ll just be posting a link. I think that’s allowed.

A Leap In Cow Control

Some Funny Things

(Has NOT been proofread!) Since I haven’t in a while. Right now I’m watching Seiko do her stretches. You hear that Mana?!?!?! We is being faithful. To being stretchy. Oh, and we just figured out that Anita can grab her leg and pull it up. Not ALL the way up, but higher than halfway. I totally didn’t expect her to be able to do that and I only asked her so I could laugh at her for being inflexible, but what do you know. She put me to shame. Maybe I should think through my motives before I ask someone to do something. It all comes back to you. Like a boomerang. But yeah, here’s some funny things. Just to make you laugh a little.

"Un"involved in Africe

Stealing your change

Defiance

When you know you've failed

When you know you've failed

Coincidence? Or not

More coming later…..And how adorable is Evgeni Plushenko?

These Speak For Themselves

It Is Almost Tomorrow

3 more minutes to be exact. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m in a rather funny mood. I am extremely tired but I’m not TIRED tired. I’m like I-have-been-in-the-car-for-one-too-many-hours sort of tired. We just finished watching our movie and I’ve been lounging about my room alternately berating myself for allowing my living quarters to progress to such an extreme of filthy and trying to read a book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” All I really understood was that there were 4 mice…no, there were 2 mice and 2 micelike people, who were called Sniff and Scruff and Hum and Haw or something along that line. As of now (6 lines into the story) the culprit of the cheese thefts has yet to be found …..

Free cheese is only in mouse traps

…..and I have just decided that I have a sore throat. I was stuck at the “and” part of the previous sentence when I just happened to yawn which, through vigorous stretching of the vocals, conveniently reminded me of the fact that through a rather unfortunate process I had contracted a cold. (Wow, I’m really pulling out the big words today. My entire “Bunny Big Word” vocabulary. I’m all in the typing and sounding really intelligent and feeling vaguely important mode right now. I’m bundled up in my forsaken hoodie, lying under the covers and dutifully typing away. I feel like an office worker who’s stayed up late at night to finish an assignment. Aside from the fact that I don’t actually have an assignment, I feel rather special.) Back to my cold. It probably resulted from the fact that I, being the brilliant genius that I am, decided to go on a walk in the freezing cold mere minutes after washing my hair. Maybe not the smartest decision ever.

Ground too cold! Leviation powers activate!

Oh yes, let me tell you about my dream last night. Now that it’s come to the point where I have to put it down in writing, my memories have suddenly decided to evacuate from the little gray cells in my brain. (I am darn proud to be Belgian, even if we are most famous for a balding, egg-shaped detective!) There was something about being in America in Texas and there was snow everywhere. And I was hiding in a store and trying to buy a loaf of bread without being seen by the clerk. And there was an old grandmother who I have never seen before in my entire life waiting for me in a car which I couldn’t find. And then suddenly we dream jumped all the way to a tropical school that was suspended in vines and had cages for classrooms. And all the children were going home and someone wanted me to stay behind to uncover a dangerous plot to destroy all the tukan birds. And somebody tried to kill me so George of the jungle swooped down to my rescue only to bang into a telephone pole. Or something along that line.

This picture pretty acurately describes me right now

I was googling a funny dream picture to go along with this section of my post and this one came up for some odd reason. I just think it’s rather cute. Doesn’t the sloucher look even a little bit slightly like Jacques Clouseau from Pink Panther part 2? When the scary lecture lady is talking to him and he’s slouching in his chair….? I had a feeling they both came out in my dream too.

Sigh…..I must be really tired if this picture actually made me laugh as hard as I did. This one came up under dream too. I hope for the poor man who’s stripping to the rescue’s sake that this is all a dream for him.

Anita just dashed up the stairs complaining about how she was evicted from a seat in the nicely warmed living room because of the scary disaster/end-of-the-world movie that mom and dad are watching. Apparently she hates it already, but she can’t hate it that much because she just went back downstairs. Maybe she found her courage lying under her bed. Maybe that’s what’s always under the bed, haunting us in our sleep. Our lost courage. Think about it.

Something is seriously wrong with this picture. I just can't put my finger on it

Need to run downstairs to get my battery charger because the annoying little “blip” that lets me know my computer will fail me soon just popped up. I don’t think it’s lying this time. Sometimes it does.

Just got back from the classroom. I could hear the desperate cries of the many extra’s that had to die needlessly and in the most painful way possible for the betterment and excitement of the film. I HEAR YOU! YOU DID NOT DIE IN VAIN!

This dude is seriously messed up. You need help

Maybe you can sense the subtle humor in this picture. It took me awhile. You may never get it

I don't even know if I'm allowed to post this. Politics is always risky business

.....

By now you may have picked up on the subtle hints and come to the realization that I am not in complete control of my mind right now. I am going to go about remedying that, firstly by GOING TO SLEEP. Right now.

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